


don't break me down

by BeccabooO1O



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bar fights, Dean is an angry drunk, Established Relationship, F/M, Fighting, Flashbacks, IF, Reader Insert, past abusive relationship, tbh it would have gotten broken up before anything really happened, this happened at a bar int he real world, two parts, you know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 09:00:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4473266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeccabooO1O/pseuds/BeccabooO1O
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She could understand his need to distance himself from the hunt. She and Sam had to do it sometimes, too - although Sam chose to run now and she opted to vent through watching a television show or reading a book until she fell asleep from exhaustion to distance herself from some of the ugly parts of her lifestyle. Yeah, her way to cope wasn't really healthy, either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Another old story that I've just gotten around to posting on here now
> 
> Warnings of past abusive relationships, yelling/swearing, offstage drinking, and all the not-so-fun times that tend to go along with those three
> 
> Title from Lana Del Rey's 'Ride'

It was a bad hunt, a really bad hunt. They had no leads or ideas as to how things were breaking into homes and killing whole families in their sleep. That night, Dean left Sam and her at the motel and went to the local bar, drinking away his frustration with the current hunt. She could understand his need to distance himself from the hunt. She and Sam had to do it sometimes, too - although Sam chose to run now and she opted to vent through watching a television show or reading a book until she fell asleep from exhaustion to distance herself from some of the ugly parts of her lifestyle. Yeah, her way to cope wasn’t really healthy, either. Sometimes - when the hunts got really ugly - she’d stay awake for days on end, throwing herself into anything that she could to forget about what happened.

She did the same thing with her last boyfriend - the one before Dean. Her last boyfriend liked to yell and throw punches at the things closest to him when a hunt went bad. And she was usually - and unfortunately - the nearest thing to him, so she was on the receiving end of a lot of his ‘venting’. And she had believed that it was all her fault. She started to believe that she truly was ‘weak’ and ‘a terrible hunter’ and ‘a useless piece of shit’.

But that was before she decided that enough was enough. That she didn’t deserve his abuse - both verbal and physical.

She remembers that day as if it was yesterday. The hunt was a bad one. They couldn’t save the group of children that had been taken by a demon with a mother’s complex. When the two came back to the motel, he had gotten horribly drunk and they fought. She had actually retaliated this time and he wasn’t very happy about it. Their screaming match stopped momentarily when the motel’s night manager asked about the noise. She made up her mind as she reassured the manager that everything was alright, silent tears leaving tracks down her reddened and sore cheeks. She had packed up her car with her meager amount of possessions and left after he had passed out. She never once looked back as she sped down the highway and into the night, going nowhere in particular.

She had been alone for a while, hunting things and saving people, until she met up with the Winchester brothers on a demon hunt in rural Montana. The three had hit it off quickly, working as if they had been together their whole lives. The brothers had asked - Dean practically begged - her to live with them in their Bunker since she was living in the back of her small car. She agreed, of course - How could anyone say no to these boys? - and joined them in their home. Soon, she and Dean started to go out. She could honestly say that she was happy.

Anyways, she was channel surfing on the television set in their motel room when Dean barged in, swaying in his drunken state. She looked up and instantly went to his side, helping his stumbling feet to the bed.

“Dean,” She said softly as she sat him down on the bed that they shared. “You need to get some sleep. It’s already after three in the morning.” She placed her hand gently on his cheek and looked him in the eyes, hoping to convey her concern and every other emotion she was feeling with her gaze.

“Don’t touch me.” He growled out angrily and she hastily brought her hand back to her chest, stung by his tone of voice.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, trying to get through to him.

“It’s this fucking case!” He yelled and shot up out of bed, pushing past her to an open space in the room where he started pacing from wall to wall. She sat on the bed and flinched at his yelling as snapshots of her life before the Winchesters piled over her vision - her ex shouting at her, him hitting her, and then him falling unconscious near her sore body. She pushed those memories back, reminding herself that this was Dean and he would never hurt her.

“We have nothing! Fucking nada on whatever the hell it is that’s doing this to people!” He threw his hands up in the air and she shrunk up against the headboard of the bed, trying to avoid his outbursts of anger.

“Dean, please calm down.” Her voice became quiet as she tried to console him. She didn’t want him to see her like this. His pacing only grew faster.

“No!” He roared. “Not until we gank this bastard.” She shrunk further into the bed, instinctively trying to make herself invisible. What was worse was that she couldn’t stop herself from reacting like this.

He quickly paced up to their bed and she flinched, her body preparing for a blow that her mind was trying to say wasn’t going to happen. After a few moments, she opened her screwed shut eyes and hesitantly looked up at Dean. Guilt trickled into her heart when she saw the look on his face. It was an expression of hurt and confusion.

He stared at her for a long time. “Do you really think I’d hurt you?” He asked quietly, searching her eyes for something - anything - to let him know that he was wrong in his assumptions.

“It’s just a reflex, Dean.” She tried to explain, her voice just as soft as his was. He looked at her for a moment longer before grabbing a pillow and one of the blankets at the bottom of the bed before laying down on the couch across from the bed. She had done such a good job of hiding her past to these boys, and it was all going downhill now.

“Dean,” She said, hoping that he’d come back to the bed and sleep next to her.

“Goodnight.”

“Baby,” She tried again. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to sleep well that night without him there.

“I said ‘goodnight’.” He said shortly before turning his body away from her. After a shaky breath, she slipped under the covers and turned off the lamp on the bedside table. She shifted around for a couple minutes until she got as comfortable as she could on the cold bed and fell asleep.

The next morning she woke up, her body in a fetal position. She really wasn’t able to sleep well last night, waking up from nightmares full of pain and depression. She stretched from her position and looked over to the now empty couch, wondering where Dean was. She heard voices from the room next door and figured that he was in there with his Sam, nursing his hangover while his younger brother was filling him in on what he had found while researching.

She really didn’t want to be in the same room with the brothers after what had happened between her and Dean the night before, so she stayed in her room, reviewing the case and doing her own research on her laptop and with the books she had gotten at the local library the day before.

She stayed in the motel room the whole morning, isolating herself from the Winchester brothers. Sam had popped in to ask if she wanted to join him and Dean at the diner for lunch. She had let out a high pitched noise and had jumped five feet in the air when she heard his voice. She could have sworn that he had noticed, but he didn’t comment on it. She refused, saying that she really felt like she was on to something with this case - which wasn’t a lie, but she couldn’t face Dean after how she reacted last night. Feeling guilty, she told him to get her a burger with some fries and a soda and to bring it back to her.

Half an hour later, Dean slowly opened the motel room door and set the bag down carefully on the bed next to her. She looked up from her laptop to find that he was still there, looking at her as if he wanted to say something.

“Thanks.” She said, her voice coming out quieter that she would have liked. She tried to smile at him, but it became harder than smiling at Dean should have been. He just looked at her for a moment - a really long moment - before nodding and swiftly striding out of their room, closing the door behind him.

She let out a deep breath and felt like crying. She was regressing into herself from before. And she felt like she couldn’t stop it. She hated the fact that it was happening again after something so trivial, but it was happening.

She stayed on her bed the rest of the day, nibbling on her burger and fries every so often as she worked, not really noticing the food getting cold or the fact the the voices from Sam’s room were getting louder and louder as time went on.

So, anyone could understand the startled gaze she gave the two when Sam and Dean barged into her quiet escape, right? They were bickering about what to do next when Dean opened the door and stalked in, Sam following him explaining why research was so important. They were louder than they usually were when they fought and she found herself cowering into the headboard again.

Just the sheer volume that the brothers were exuding reminded her of her last boyfriend. She shrunk herself further into the bed, trying to shield herself from the traumatic memories before she could stop herself.

She clutched at the sheets under her and took multiple uneven gasps as she started to drown in the nightmares of days past. Her ex throwing anything he could get his hands on at her. She tried to shut her eyes so that Sam and Dean couldn’t see the personal hell she was reliving, but she was frozen in fear. It was like a play by play review of each blow, each pathetic attempt she had made to cover up the bruises the next morning, and of each time she begged him to stop.

“Please stop.” It was barely a whisper, but the brothers heard her. They stopped arguing and looked over at her, concern painted on both their faces. But she didn’t see that. Her eyes seemed glazed over. She was still trapped in the throes of her past.

Dean carefully walked over and Sam followed suit, sitting next to his brother on the edge of the bed and avoiding all the papers astrewn on the comforter.

“Babe,” Dean said quietly and slowly reached out for her.

She pulled away from him and moved up farther into the bed. “Don’t hurt me.” She whimpered, tears building themselves up in her eyes. She still wasn’t looking straight at him. She didn’t realize that Dean was the one talking to her, not her ex boyfriend.

“It’s me.” Dean said, tried to get her to snap out of whatever was happening. It broke his heart to see her like this.

Her eyes focused on him and she let out a strangled breath before curling up into herself and letting out all the emotions that she had forced herself to push back for a while now. Dean and Sam vowed to themselves that whoever - or whatever - had done this to her would suffer at the hands of the Winchester brothers.

Dean gently laid a hand on her shoulder and with a “Come here” he brought her closer to his chest, running his hands through her hair and down her back as he gave her time to get it all out of her system. He gave her words of encouragement and she sobbed into his chest.

When she had quieted down enough - and after some motivation from Sam - Dean asked her what was wrong.

She looked up at him, tears clinging onto her eyelashes, and she told them. She told them everything. She told them about how she and her ex met, how he chose to vent after and sometimes during a hunt, and she told them how she got away, sniffing and shedding a tear here and there.

She waited nervously as the brothers processed everything. Would they ask her to leave after figuring out how broken she was? Would they laugh at how weak she was? Would they wonder if she was still as weak as before? These doubts ran through her mind as she looked from Dean to Sam and back to Dean, anxious about what would happen to her.

Dean opened his mouth to say something as she prepared for the worst. “If we ever run into that man, tell me.” He looked down at her earnestly.

“So, you’re not going to ask me to leave?” She asked, incredulous. She really thought that they would.

“Why would we do that?” Sam asked, surprised drawn all over his face. Dean’s expression mirrored his brother’s exactly.

“You guys don’t really need a broken hunter with you.” She looked down into her lap, trying to explain to the boys what they would be getting into if they kept her.

Dean laughed and she looked up, confused. “Have you met us?”

“Yeah, we’re like textbook definitions of broken.” Sam added.

“Then I guess we’ll all be broken together, huh.” She smiled at them both.

“You bet your ass, sweetheart.” Dean smiled down at her and caressed her cheek. He leaned forward, aiming for a kiss. She rose to meet him halfway, still smiling.

Their lips were almost touching when Sam coughed from beside Dean. She turned from Dean to look at the younger brother. “It’s not like I’m here or anything, you two.”

“Wanna join?” She asked jokingly the same time Dean commented, “You do have your own room.”

Sam ignored her question, but she noticed him blush slightly in embarrassment. “Just use protection.” Sam advised humorously, walking to the door and leaving the two alone.

“‘Use protection.’ What kind of nerd says that?” Dean rolled his eyes.

“The kind of nerd that’s only looking out for you.” She supplied, chuckling at his expression.

“I wasn’t even planning on sex tonight.” He said, smiling playfully before he leant down and kissed her. She smiled against his lips and instantly felt better, like her past before she met the Winchesters was just a dream. And she could honestly say that she was was happy again.


	2. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had been a couple weeks after the incident - that’s what she was calling it. She hadn’t had any more episodes - another term she used for the incident - like that and she was proud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo, we now get to meet up with the ex-boyfriend at a bar this time... oh and a fight ensues that I'm 100% positive would not fly at an actual bar in the real world, but lets pretend, shall we?

It had been a couple weeks after the incident - that’s what she was calling it. She hadn’t had any more episodes - another term she used for the incident - like that and she was proud.

The only thing was was that for the first few days, the brothers had treated her as if she were a glass vase teetering on the edge of a table, ready to tip over and break. But once she proved that she wasn’t as fragile as they acted on the hunt, the two treated her like before, which she appreciated greatly.

The three of them were out at a bar, celebrating yet another successful hunt. She was nursing her first beer while the brothers were at their second. They were joking with each other and she couldn’t help but laugh at their little trio’s antics. There came a point where she had to remove her hands from her sides and wipe the tears away.

That’s when she saw him in a darkened corner the already dimly lighted bar. And he was staring straight at her, a clear bottle of dark alcohol in his hand. Her back straightened considerably and she felt like she couldn’t breathe properly.

“What’s wrong?” Dean looked at her as he pulled her closer into his side. His green eyes were searching hers in concern.

She looked at him and realized that she wouldn’t be able to lie to him. “He’s here.”

“Where?”

“In the corner.” The Winchesters started to get out of their barstools, but she stopped them. “Don’t.” She hated to admit it, but she was scared.

“Babe,” Dean tried, looking at her pleadingly. She knew how he felt, but this isn’t how she wanted it to happen.

“No.” She shot him down. She shot both Winchesters down, in fact. “If he wants to talk, he can do the work.” If he wanted to confront her, that son of a bitch would be doing it on her terms.

Dean looked at her before commenting, “Babe, it makes me all tingly when you take control like that.” He smirked and sat down next to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. She kissed his stubbled cheek as he traced circles into her arm with his thumb. It relaxed her and she took a swig before the three went back to their conversation from before. She almost forgot about the man at the other side of the bar that was able to send frightening chills down her spine at the sight of him. Almost.

All too soon, though, she noticed her ex moving towards the three. He moved like a predator would when stalking its prey - a lot like the way he would act towards her when things got bad. There was another woman following him close behind. She looked skittish and her eyes shifted towards every direction in something that looked like fear.

She pulled slightly onto Dean’s jacket in warning, hearing his boots smack across the wood flooring as he closed the distance.

“Long time no see, Baby Girl.” Her ex announced as he stood behind them.

“Not long enough.” She mumbled. Dean grabbed her hand under the counter and gave it a reassuring squeeze. She leaned into the Winchester.

“I see you’ve been fucking a Ken doll behind my back.” She could hear the anger rising in his voice.

“It’s not behind your back, Mickey.” She deadpanned, her back still turned away from him.

“My girlfriend’s been shacking up with another guy all this time.” She could hear him throwing his hands up. If he still called her his girlfriend, then what was he calling that small blonde that was on his arm?

“The ‘Ken doll’ would be my boyfriend. Whose name happens to be Dean.” She said, just wishing that he’d go away.

“I knew you were a two timing slut.”

“Hey!” Dean called in offense.

She felt Mickey grab onto her shoulder. She flinched as he forcefully turned her around in her seat. “You look at me when I’m talking to you.”

“Leave us alone, Mickey.” She advised. “You’re drunk.” She felt the blood run cold at the sight of him. Her heart clenched painfully inside her chest at the thought of what would happen to her if they were still together.

“Not gonna happen.” He squeezed her arm and she knew that there’d be dark splotches of blue and black painted on her skin the next morning. She noticed the other woman gasp and look at Mickey in horror.

“Get off of her.” Dean warned, standing up right behind her.

“You’re not gonna get away this time.” But all she could focus on was the small blonde at Mickey’s side. She looked completely terrified, her pupils needle points inside her widening eyes. The hunter recognized the feeling, though. It was the fear of what would happen, cultivated from multiple past occurrences.

“I said, ‘Get off of her’.” Dean repeated. He was at her side now, making his size known. Dean was just a little taller than her ex, and he seemed to notice that. Sam came up from her other side and both brothers flanked her, like they were protecting her. Mickey let go of her arm in a jerk.

“Mickey, baby.” The blonde piped up. She put her hand on his shoulder. “Let’s just go back to the motel.”

“Not until this- this whore knows what’s going to happen if she doesn’t come with me.”

“Step off.” The younger Winchester warned.

“Sam,” She placed her hand on his shoulder, trying to gently rein him in.

“Mickey, come on.” The blonde tried again. She couldn’t help but sympathize with the woman. She knew that she never wanted to cause a scene when she was with Mickey either.

Many things happened in such a short span of time. First, Mickey turned around a roughly pushed her into a nearby table. Second, the blonde cried in surprise. Third, she focused back on her ex just in time to see him advancing on her - Dean and Sam were too preoccupied with what had happened to the blonde to realize what was going on.

In the split second that it took Mickey to march up to her, she decided to do something that she had only dreamed about. She looked him in the eyes and connected the heel of her palm with her nose.

He reeled back and howled in pain, shouting, “You bitch!” Dean and Sam stared at her for a moment.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.” She smiled slightly at them, wiping some of the man’s blood off her hand.

“You bitch!” She heard Mickey repeat in a screech. She turned around to defend herself, but Dean lunged at him, instead. Her ex was tackled to the ground and Dean started to throw punch after punch at him. Both were grunting and rolling around on the wooden floor. Sam was trying to break-up the fighting men and the blonde had scampered out of the bar, leaving the four of them alone. She heard an engine rev up and knew that the blonde was gone, hopefully for good.

Sam was finally able to get his older brother off of Mickey. “If I ever see you again,” Dean threatened. “I will personally kill you, you son of a bitch.”

With one startled look at Dean, Mickey got up and rushed out of the dark bar. “Did that make you feel better?” She asked when he turned around to face her.

“Oh, yeah.” Dean’s grimace left his face and he smiled at her. “Let’s get out of here.” He placed some money on the counter and led her and Sam out of the bar and eventually, out of the town.

**Author's Note:**

> Come cry with me on [tumblr](http://livelaughloveboo.tumblr.com)
> 
> Remember to Smile :)  
> ~Becca


End file.
